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veiledallegory2009-11-10 04:24 pm
eternity_dreams) wrote in veiledallegory2009-11-10 04:24 pm
Entry tags:
Damned/Xenosaga: Night's Pathways - 2
Title: Night's Pathways - 2
Fandom: Damned/Xenosaga.
Warnings: Still okay so far. =P
Word Count: 1891 of ???.
Characters: Post!Damned!AlbedoxNigredo. Nigredo POV.
Notes: Post-Landel’s!free but in that world with full powers. Definite more to come. Continued from here.
Summary:
Sensations. For one who abhorred common touch as much as he did, the boy experienced vivid sensations. He always had. Perhaps that was a portion of why he so rejected it--because everything was feeling; everything was felt in his neutral world. Nothing stayed so stagnant for long. This was what he thought. Anything extreme... could become dangerous.
His trail of thought treaded towards this subject, as his mind was breaking apart the senses around him automatically. There was no comfortable floor beneath him, or the hard reassurance of a wooden beam, as it was when he accidentally fell asleep atop one of them. Instead--something soft, something plush. A bed he had sank into, and a pillow that formed around his face that was turned into it. Of course, the boy thought blandly. Albedo would be so extravagant.
As if the thought summoned his older brother, Nigredo heard a throat clearing, and the sound of leather shifting against leather. Extravagant, he agreed firmly without opening his eyes. Completely unnecessary. Still, the youngest made no move to get up from the bed he was resting on. Albedo would lose patience and explain his reasoning eventually. There was nothing to do until then. It wasn’t like he had anywhere to go in the meantime.
“Nigredo.”
Like clockwork. The aforementioned sighed and rolled his head partway, looking at Albedo blankly through one eye. His brother was still dressed like a hit man, sitting forward in a--surprise, surprise--leather arm chair. The intensity of Albedo’s single-minded nature was locked onto him, but Nigredo had been in this position before with a lot more unsavory circumstances. Nothing changed. Nigredo gave nothing away.
The boy almost expected a clock to tick off the minutes, but he supposed his elder would never allow a timepiece near him. It would remind him too much of his own differences. Perhaps Albedo could ignore the very things that set him apart. To Nigredo, it was a constant throbbing in his mind, something tainting him as fully as U-DO had tainted the other. If only his were something that had nothing to do with himself. If only that was the case.
Albedo leaned forwards more, frowning in his frustration. “You were always like that, you know? I hate it. I always have.”
Nigredo responded despite himself. “Hate what?”
The other boy--were they closer to men at this point? Had they already became men before they left their own world? Taking lives had aged them, experiences had aged them, and being left alone had taken them far--swallowed, perhaps unconsciously. With Albedo, most everything was deliberate. It was hard to tell. “How you shut things off. I hate it.”
A beat. Nigredo digested this. “So you said.” It would explain a large portion of their previous interactions, but it changed nothing more than understanding. Now, especially, Nigredo would not give in to what sustained the older Variant. Emotions were not something allowed.
Albedo had risen, and Nigredo hadn’t noticed. One hand had curved, as if gripping an invisible weapon. The frustration was more evident now. Nigredo gazed calmly, taking in the rest of the room peripherally on the side chance things escalated. The room was bland, the walls at least, and it was mostly filled with plush furniture. A door, perhaps a bathroom, was ingrained in a wall opposite a small bookcase. Another door had three stairs leading to it. Outside? The way out? He could only guess.
“Nigredo!” The voice held more aggravation than anger, and Nigredo found himself surprised. Time had developed his white-haired brother. This kind of ignoring would have sent him into a frenzy before. Part of Nigredo wondered if he was doing so purposefully, to upset his brother. That would be so much more simple than whatever he had been dragged here for.
“Speak with me.” Somehow, the voice seemed softer, and Nigredo watched cautiously as Albedo lowered himself to sit at the lower half of the bed. Nigredo shifted to face his brother, as much for politeness as for the simple fact of one didn’t leave Albedo in one’s blind spot.
“Why?” the dark-haired boy mused. “And why did you bring me here? Last time we met, you--” This memory Nigredo did not want. Not the storm, not the blood, not the revelation, and not the shocked accusation on Albedo’s face. Some kind of broken trust that Nigredo didn’t even realized he had gained. Looking back, afterwards, the boy wondered if that had hurt almost as much as what had happened. But that was a fleeting thought, easily dismissed, just like the entirety of that night. Of everything that had anything to do with it. “--made it quite clear you wanted nothing to do with me.”
Another time, and a different answer might have been spoken. That is the way it was with Albedo. The boy could have responded with hostility, sullenness, or mocking--all three likely, but instead he shrugged easily. "You're all I have," was the open admittance. Nigredo couldn't have determined if that were true. Among the URTVs, yes, but his brother had a reverse habit of pulling certain kinds of people to him. He dwelled on this thought a moment instead of the actual words that were said.
The calm look didn't leave Nigredo's face. "So... you're holding me here?" he asked blandly, neither giving or opening himself.
The white-haired boy made a face. "Still playing games, Nigredo? I couldn't ask you to be open, and you simply--"
"I won't open myself." The answer came fierce, short, before Nigredo knew he had opened his mouth. Albedo's face shifted to a quick anger, thought whether it came from being interrupted or Nigredo's words, the boy couldn't say. And neither would the tainted Variant. He was done with speaking.
{Why?!} It lashed out like a knife, but Nigredo was well-used to his brother's anger. The pain and loneliness that trailed after, were less expected, less guarded against. Albedo's eyes narrowed, this time with determination. {Because of Rubedo?}
This, achieved the reaction that Albedo must have desired. Nigredo jolted as if hit, eyes widening as his body froze completely. He hadn't expected... Nigredo hadn't thought Albedo would voice his name, he had thought that the other would still be... sensitive... Still be....
A strong hand caught Nigredo's shoulder, and he realized his brother had moved closer, leaning forward across the distance between them. Nigredo was locked in a fight or flight mentality, but at the moment, the boy would have rathered just shutting down entirely. His brother's violet eyes had locked on him, though, and Nigredo did nothing but stare blankly back at him. Albedo didn't switch back to speech. {Why are you still so afraid?}
Afraid? Was he? He hadn't realized. Was that what it was that locked his joints and stilled his mind to nonexistence? Four years had passed since the Institute had fallen, and Rubedo had gone 'missing'. It had been three years since Albedo and Nigredo had parted ways--they had resided by each other's side for almost a year, and yet was the distance even greater now? Was Nigredo afraid? Of course. For multiple reasons. Loss, in all of its myriad of forms, was not the least among them.
Why had they parted then? Nigredo suddenly couldn't remember. It had to do with a betrayal of sorts (pain), and a storm, and something that the boy wouldn't name. He couldn't allow it. And now....
An irrational sort of panic took him, only present through the widening of his eyes. He needed to leave, needed to get far away before something happened, before Albedo--
{You can't hurt me, you know,} came the sending, almost gentle in its touching on the sands of Nigredo's mind. The logical Variant replied in a reverse manner, tone flat and dull.
"Why haven't you killed me?"
Albedo recoiled as if slapped, eyes--hurt, was he hurt? Nigredo couldn't know. There was only a second of this before the white-haired boy dove forward, hands grabbing Nigredo's upper arms harshly, pinning him against the bed. Nigredo didn't fight him.
"Killed you?" This was said incredulously, angrily, and yes, had that edge of pain that Nigredo had seen. "I told you--" {You're all I have.} Albedo might shift the truth, but the link wouldn't lie, and Nigredo didn't fight the words. {Nigredo, I won't be alone.}
These words shot at him, pierced him through for the reason he wouldn't touch upon. And why was Albedo alone now? Because Rubedo wasn't here. And because Nigredo couldn't be there. But that was-- and Nigredo wouldn't--
A look of disgust crossed Albedo's face as he seemed to catch on to Nigredo's inner warring. "So that's how you're playing. Sorry to say, Nigredo, but if I can't forget, neither can you. I wasn't even there, and I remember every detail of what I was shown. So you... aren't allowed to forget this."
Forget what? Nigredo blinked, something in him writhing, fighting, crumbling in pain to get away from this. The boy blinked more rapidly now, trying to push it away. Forget what? Nigredo wouldn't ask. His brother continued just the same.
"I looked for you, came for you, after that.... The least you could do is... show some emotion!"
Something fractured. "Why would you?! Why wouldn't you just leave me there?"
A movement, and Albedo was even closer, inches between them as he stared into Nigredo's eyes intently. His body pressed Nigredo further into the mattress. It was too soft, a part of Nigredo thought obstinately. Albedo liked excess too much. "Because," his brother said, drawing out the word. "We're both alone."
Nigredo had been alone, separated from the twins since they were created. And Albedo had been alone from the moment he understood exactly what he was. Perhaps before that. But the both of them being alone was not enough of a reason. Albedo had been cursed by experiments, genetic engineering, fate, universal entities.... Nigredo had simply been given a devil's gift and an easy trigger. Albedo may have been more prone to exploring the options those things gave him, but Nigredo had no excuse behind his own actions. Action. Yes.
Albedo's eyes were still on him. "That wasn't your fault."
Nigredo's eyes darted to Albedo's, a sharp fear pushing through any nonchalance. Albedo repeated softer. "It wasn't your fault." The older boy was basically laying on him now, and Nigredo was distinctly aware of the weight on him. Escape wouldn't come easy. He couldn't get away. Couldn't escape. Couldn't--
"Listen to me," Albedo commanded, bringing Nigredo's panicked gaze back to him. How could Albedo be so damn calm about this? Shouldn't this be worse for-- {It wasn't your fault.}
Some pattern, repetition, training, found Nigredo breathing carefully, calming himself, exacting control over his mind. The boy breathed in, past the weight on his chest, and exhaled smoothly. Nigredo shook his head once, about to refute an argument, or shift the conversation. His brother was easily distracted with the right methods, this he knew, and--
But Albedo also knew Nigredo. For shock effect or for emotional reaction--or maybe for once, it was neither, and the boy was simply keeping Nigredo sealed in the conversation, in this moment--Albedo continued, speaking words taboo to both of them.
{It wasn't your fault,} the emotional Variant's sending was even. {That you killed Rubedo.}
Fandom: Damned/Xenosaga.
Warnings: Still okay so far. =P
Word Count: 1891 of ???.
Characters: Post!Damned!AlbedoxNigredo. Nigredo POV.
Notes: Post-Landel’s!free but in that world with full powers. Definite more to come. Continued from here.
Summary:
Sensations. For one who abhorred common touch as much as he did, the boy experienced vivid sensations. He always had. Perhaps that was a portion of why he so rejected it--because everything was feeling; everything was felt in his neutral world. Nothing stayed so stagnant for long. This was what he thought. Anything extreme... could become dangerous.
His trail of thought treaded towards this subject, as his mind was breaking apart the senses around him automatically. There was no comfortable floor beneath him, or the hard reassurance of a wooden beam, as it was when he accidentally fell asleep atop one of them. Instead--something soft, something plush. A bed he had sank into, and a pillow that formed around his face that was turned into it. Of course, the boy thought blandly. Albedo would be so extravagant.
As if the thought summoned his older brother, Nigredo heard a throat clearing, and the sound of leather shifting against leather. Extravagant, he agreed firmly without opening his eyes. Completely unnecessary. Still, the youngest made no move to get up from the bed he was resting on. Albedo would lose patience and explain his reasoning eventually. There was nothing to do until then. It wasn’t like he had anywhere to go in the meantime.
“Nigredo.”
Like clockwork. The aforementioned sighed and rolled his head partway, looking at Albedo blankly through one eye. His brother was still dressed like a hit man, sitting forward in a--surprise, surprise--leather arm chair. The intensity of Albedo’s single-minded nature was locked onto him, but Nigredo had been in this position before with a lot more unsavory circumstances. Nothing changed. Nigredo gave nothing away.
The boy almost expected a clock to tick off the minutes, but he supposed his elder would never allow a timepiece near him. It would remind him too much of his own differences. Perhaps Albedo could ignore the very things that set him apart. To Nigredo, it was a constant throbbing in his mind, something tainting him as fully as U-DO had tainted the other. If only his were something that had nothing to do with himself. If only that was the case.
Albedo leaned forwards more, frowning in his frustration. “You were always like that, you know? I hate it. I always have.”
Nigredo responded despite himself. “Hate what?”
The other boy--were they closer to men at this point? Had they already became men before they left their own world? Taking lives had aged them, experiences had aged them, and being left alone had taken them far--swallowed, perhaps unconsciously. With Albedo, most everything was deliberate. It was hard to tell. “How you shut things off. I hate it.”
A beat. Nigredo digested this. “So you said.” It would explain a large portion of their previous interactions, but it changed nothing more than understanding. Now, especially, Nigredo would not give in to what sustained the older Variant. Emotions were not something allowed.
Albedo had risen, and Nigredo hadn’t noticed. One hand had curved, as if gripping an invisible weapon. The frustration was more evident now. Nigredo gazed calmly, taking in the rest of the room peripherally on the side chance things escalated. The room was bland, the walls at least, and it was mostly filled with plush furniture. A door, perhaps a bathroom, was ingrained in a wall opposite a small bookcase. Another door had three stairs leading to it. Outside? The way out? He could only guess.
“Nigredo!” The voice held more aggravation than anger, and Nigredo found himself surprised. Time had developed his white-haired brother. This kind of ignoring would have sent him into a frenzy before. Part of Nigredo wondered if he was doing so purposefully, to upset his brother. That would be so much more simple than whatever he had been dragged here for.
“Speak with me.” Somehow, the voice seemed softer, and Nigredo watched cautiously as Albedo lowered himself to sit at the lower half of the bed. Nigredo shifted to face his brother, as much for politeness as for the simple fact of one didn’t leave Albedo in one’s blind spot.
“Why?” the dark-haired boy mused. “And why did you bring me here? Last time we met, you--” This memory Nigredo did not want. Not the storm, not the blood, not the revelation, and not the shocked accusation on Albedo’s face. Some kind of broken trust that Nigredo didn’t even realized he had gained. Looking back, afterwards, the boy wondered if that had hurt almost as much as what had happened. But that was a fleeting thought, easily dismissed, just like the entirety of that night. Of everything that had anything to do with it. “--made it quite clear you wanted nothing to do with me.”
Another time, and a different answer might have been spoken. That is the way it was with Albedo. The boy could have responded with hostility, sullenness, or mocking--all three likely, but instead he shrugged easily. "You're all I have," was the open admittance. Nigredo couldn't have determined if that were true. Among the URTVs, yes, but his brother had a reverse habit of pulling certain kinds of people to him. He dwelled on this thought a moment instead of the actual words that were said.
The calm look didn't leave Nigredo's face. "So... you're holding me here?" he asked blandly, neither giving or opening himself.
The white-haired boy made a face. "Still playing games, Nigredo? I couldn't ask you to be open, and you simply--"
"I won't open myself." The answer came fierce, short, before Nigredo knew he had opened his mouth. Albedo's face shifted to a quick anger, thought whether it came from being interrupted or Nigredo's words, the boy couldn't say. And neither would the tainted Variant. He was done with speaking.
{Why?!} It lashed out like a knife, but Nigredo was well-used to his brother's anger. The pain and loneliness that trailed after, were less expected, less guarded against. Albedo's eyes narrowed, this time with determination. {Because of Rubedo?}
This, achieved the reaction that Albedo must have desired. Nigredo jolted as if hit, eyes widening as his body froze completely. He hadn't expected... Nigredo hadn't thought Albedo would voice his name, he had thought that the other would still be... sensitive... Still be....
A strong hand caught Nigredo's shoulder, and he realized his brother had moved closer, leaning forward across the distance between them. Nigredo was locked in a fight or flight mentality, but at the moment, the boy would have rathered just shutting down entirely. His brother's violet eyes had locked on him, though, and Nigredo did nothing but stare blankly back at him. Albedo didn't switch back to speech. {Why are you still so afraid?}
Afraid? Was he? He hadn't realized. Was that what it was that locked his joints and stilled his mind to nonexistence? Four years had passed since the Institute had fallen, and Rubedo had gone 'missing'. It had been three years since Albedo and Nigredo had parted ways--they had resided by each other's side for almost a year, and yet was the distance even greater now? Was Nigredo afraid? Of course. For multiple reasons. Loss, in all of its myriad of forms, was not the least among them.
Why had they parted then? Nigredo suddenly couldn't remember. It had to do with a betrayal of sorts (pain), and a storm, and something that the boy wouldn't name. He couldn't allow it. And now....
An irrational sort of panic took him, only present through the widening of his eyes. He needed to leave, needed to get far away before something happened, before Albedo--
{You can't hurt me, you know,} came the sending, almost gentle in its touching on the sands of Nigredo's mind. The logical Variant replied in a reverse manner, tone flat and dull.
"Why haven't you killed me?"
Albedo recoiled as if slapped, eyes--hurt, was he hurt? Nigredo couldn't know. There was only a second of this before the white-haired boy dove forward, hands grabbing Nigredo's upper arms harshly, pinning him against the bed. Nigredo didn't fight him.
"Killed you?" This was said incredulously, angrily, and yes, had that edge of pain that Nigredo had seen. "I told you--" {You're all I have.} Albedo might shift the truth, but the link wouldn't lie, and Nigredo didn't fight the words. {Nigredo, I won't be alone.}
These words shot at him, pierced him through for the reason he wouldn't touch upon. And why was Albedo alone now? Because Rubedo wasn't here. And because Nigredo couldn't be there. But that was-- and Nigredo wouldn't--
A look of disgust crossed Albedo's face as he seemed to catch on to Nigredo's inner warring. "So that's how you're playing. Sorry to say, Nigredo, but if I can't forget, neither can you. I wasn't even there, and I remember every detail of what I was shown. So you... aren't allowed to forget this."
Forget what? Nigredo blinked, something in him writhing, fighting, crumbling in pain to get away from this. The boy blinked more rapidly now, trying to push it away. Forget what? Nigredo wouldn't ask. His brother continued just the same.
"I looked for you, came for you, after that.... The least you could do is... show some emotion!"
Something fractured. "Why would you?! Why wouldn't you just leave me there?"
A movement, and Albedo was even closer, inches between them as he stared into Nigredo's eyes intently. His body pressed Nigredo further into the mattress. It was too soft, a part of Nigredo thought obstinately. Albedo liked excess too much. "Because," his brother said, drawing out the word. "We're both alone."
Nigredo had been alone, separated from the twins since they were created. And Albedo had been alone from the moment he understood exactly what he was. Perhaps before that. But the both of them being alone was not enough of a reason. Albedo had been cursed by experiments, genetic engineering, fate, universal entities.... Nigredo had simply been given a devil's gift and an easy trigger. Albedo may have been more prone to exploring the options those things gave him, but Nigredo had no excuse behind his own actions. Action. Yes.
Albedo's eyes were still on him. "That wasn't your fault."
Nigredo's eyes darted to Albedo's, a sharp fear pushing through any nonchalance. Albedo repeated softer. "It wasn't your fault." The older boy was basically laying on him now, and Nigredo was distinctly aware of the weight on him. Escape wouldn't come easy. He couldn't get away. Couldn't escape. Couldn't--
"Listen to me," Albedo commanded, bringing Nigredo's panicked gaze back to him. How could Albedo be so damn calm about this? Shouldn't this be worse for-- {It wasn't your fault.}
Some pattern, repetition, training, found Nigredo breathing carefully, calming himself, exacting control over his mind. The boy breathed in, past the weight on his chest, and exhaled smoothly. Nigredo shook his head once, about to refute an argument, or shift the conversation. His brother was easily distracted with the right methods, this he knew, and--
But Albedo also knew Nigredo. For shock effect or for emotional reaction--or maybe for once, it was neither, and the boy was simply keeping Nigredo sealed in the conversation, in this moment--Albedo continued, speaking words taboo to both of them.
{It wasn't your fault,} the emotional Variant's sending was even. {That you killed Rubedo.}
Icon is not relevant. I swear.
This is poignant and powerful, and you're absolutely marvelous. I need to skedaddle to read the next chapter. Immediately.